Brains, Behavior and Bravado

          When I was faced with the prospect of working with middle school kids at my new job I was scared. It's been a year now and  I've learned a lot from working with middle and high school aged kids. I think the first thing people think when they hear "middle school aged" is "annoying dumb kid." I'll admit I've been guilty of that myself. The thing that most people seem to forget is just that though: they are KIDS.
         In this society we have this weird notion that once kids are "old enough" they should figure things out for themselves and no longer need guidance or support from parents. At this point I'm probably preaching to the choir but, on the off chance someone out there reading this is unfamiliar with adolescent brain development lets go through a quick run down: (note: though not erudite or eloquent, I DO know what I'm talking about)

We have three different parts of our brains that are each in charge of  different things.
-"Reptilian brain" does the easy/vital stuff: breathing, blinking, temperature control etc.
-"Mammal brain" is in charge of feelings, behavior, memories, motivation etc.
- "Human brain" is the part that we use to control impulses, planning and language

Guess which one develops last?



For visual emphasis: development of the decision making part of the brain.

           This, in combination with a whole host of other things (genetics, economic/social status, support network etc.) makes teens a the epitome of anguish. Sure, some people are able to get through adolescence unscathed by the torment that is growing up but, I'm going to assume almost everyone has had those moments of "Who am I?" "What kind of person do I want to be?" "How the heck do I even figure that out?!?!" These are normal things teens go through and yet here we are, expecting them to be "on their best behavior"  with no clear definition of what that is.
         It's not logical for them to "know what to do" because their brains aren't wired that way yet. They're still running on instinct. They're getting better at thinking things through but they still screw up a lot. Again, THIS IS NORMAL. Anyone who works with/comes into contact with/ lives with teens would do well to remember that. I encourage my clients to express their ideas about self, future and current stressors in session and it amazes me how many of them will talk my ear off for the whole session (after the initial "Is she for real?" awkwardness). I validate their thoughts and feelings but I also make them think. I challenge them to examine their beliefs and even reframe negative thought patterns. Teens and kids internalize every word we speak to them. We NEED to be more careful with the words we choose.